True Love or Self Love?
Can we have True Love or is Self Love too much to give up?
Most of us want a true loving relationship with someone. There is that ideal man or woman that we look for in the people that we meet. We want that opportunity to love someone and have someone loves us deeply on a level that transcends our spirits. We want to feel like these moments of love are made in heaven.
Can relationships be made in heaven? Does God provide to us mates who we may call perfect, without flaw? How do we determine true love? I think most people think of true love on a level of feeling good and not a state of relationship. The word ‘True’ can be defined as facts or things that really happen, and are not made up. The word ‘Love’ can be defined as a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection. I find it interesting that love has also been described as “Oneness”. That amazes me. Therefore, true love seems to be a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and ‘oneness’ based on facts or things that really happen and are not made up. In other words, the feelings, deepness, and tenderness that one experiences toward another should be a fact and not a lie. It’s something that you should be able to trust and have faith in. It’s the capability that two who come together should have that they are able to become one.
What is that like when you begin a relationship with two people? How can two people really become one? Doesn’t that sound like an unreachable task? Well, yes, it definitely is. I’m finding that most relationships are not made in heaven and there is no perfect person. Everyone is unique, complex, self-absorbed, self-protective, and have a world built around them that defines their own little world around them. Trying to bring two people together in their own hemispheres, can be a difficult feat.
People expect love to be easy because they go off of their own expectations and ideals. When two people come together to become one in a relationship, they are challenged because they are trying to make their own world the sphere of the relationship while coaxing the other to come into their space (ideal, dream). When you have two people doing this to each other, it creates constant friction. There will be no adjustment in trying to make your world the world of someone else. When I speak of world, I speak of an individual’s make up, his or her likes, dislikes, thoughts, preferences, personality, character, beliefs, social life, experiences and everything that makes up who the person has become and how they live. Just the thought of this for one person can be exhaustive. So when two come together, you have twice the enigma.
How can this be worked out? How can true love really happen? Let’s go back to that word ‘oneness’. How do two people bring everything about them into a relationship of oneness? You do but you don’t. In order to become one, you need to define a new world for the both of you that will function in harmony for the both of you. When in a relationship, it’s no longer the world of ‘I’ but the world of ‘we’. This is the challenge because the world of ‘we’ means that you have to compromise something in your own world. No one wants to give up or compromise any part of them. People grieve to have to re-think some things about their life when they’ve been hitched so to speak. People want the relationship but they don’t necessarily want the work. Why? It takes away the ‘self’.
People love themselves. I’m not speaking so much about self love. I’m speaking more about self centeredness and self absorption. I’m speaking of the things that people have set up in their lives that may have become idols or treasures in their heart. How does anyone give up their treasures? They see finding a love of their life a treasure but they come to a head when that treasure begins to threaten the other treasures they’ve had for so long. Everybody wants it all!! We want the treasures of our heart and the treasure of love. We don’t want to give up anything. How selfish is that? We see the dream of having someone special in our life but we don’t see anything about them other than what they can bring to our life solely.
Because of this, people in relationships can constantly bump heads in a way that states, “You are messing with my treasures!” Most struggles in relationships are for this reason ONLY. How can you move forward and move past it and still be happy? First, you have to ask yourself that question of what is really important to you. If there is a treasure in your heart that you can’t fathom compromising, then you may want to re-think having a relationship. Relationships aren’t cake. If you choose to find true love and not a fairly tell love, you will need to respect, honor, and hold faith in the treasure you find in committing to someone.
Recognize that there will be some things you may give up altogether, some things you will compromise, and some treasures you can hold onto. A new relationship creates a new world. The world you had on your own is going to change without a doubt. Expect it. Evaluate the treasures in your heart. Some of them may be worth getting rid of. Some things you may be holding onto that haven’t really worked for you. Some treasures may have you stuck. Others may be bad for the relationship and sabotage the union. There may be some treasures that are dark in your heart. Just because you have held onto something for so long doesn’t mean you can’t let it go. Treasures, stored valuables, aren’t always gold and sparkling. They may seem precious to you but not precious to the union. There will also be treasures that will enhance your relationship when you share them with your partner. This is where people are compatible or where the other partner can see and feel the same way you feel when sharing things that are important to you.
True love draws on the heart of one to go inside them and ask hard questions. True love initially makes you uncomfortable; it will take you out of your world, out of your mindsets, out of your own agendas. That is very scary. True love will challenge you and test you. It will call you to a higher power, a higher level in God. It will call you to transcend to a new level in your life, who you are, and how you are built. Only those who are willing to go on that path will be successful in love. Finding true love is absolutely possible. Determining if you’re willing to give up some treasures for the sake of love is something else.
Relationships may not be made in heaven but God puts heaven inside you to draw into your relationships. Heaven within provides a place for you to re-evaluate yourself, grow, and find strength to go beyond the limits you’ve set for yourself. How you handle His gift or not, depends on you and the one you’re with. Take his gift of heaven and infuse into the ‘self’. This treasure will bring more for the both of you. No relationship built on the self of each individual will ever survive. It’s only when you come into a mind and heart that understands that it’s not only about you anymore, will you be on the right path of having and keeping true love. Then a new happiness, a new peace, and a new joy will be obtained different from the happiness that you had when you were alone. The important part is it takes two to become one.